I was surprised today by the striking silence of my house. As I pondered this dilemma, I realized that this is the first summer without a child in the house or one in which I have not worked or attended school full time. In the absence of these things I stood for a moment and savored the source of my solace. Was it the absence of people under the age of 21? Or, that for the first time in eight years I’m not in school full time and working on school music projects? Perhaps it’s a combination of dynamics that allude to the coming calm of “empty nesting”?
During the past ten years I have begun a career, obtained a post bac elementary education degree, a music endorsement, a master’s degree, taken an additional 36 odd credits, sent off four missionaries, welcomed three home, moved three times, welcomed another female into the family through marriage to our second son, ridden a road bike down hill at 42 mph and the distance of 80 miles and through all these ‘goodly’ things, generally existed on faith, hard work and determination.
I delight in the accomplishments of myself and especially my children, daughter-in-law, and husband over this last decade, but the success is bittersweet. In the silence I can still hear them talking and especially laughing and occasionally debating with me and each other. In the silence I feel my own sadness more because I’m not distracted by their joys or sorrows and in the sadness I realize that this next decade will be more silent.
So without the chaos to distract me, I now anticipate the opportunity to read deeper, listen more intently to the spirit and serve others needs more. The silence allows my spirit to connect in a new way and provides a glimpse into eternity that I have not experienced so far. It is essential to my salvation and my soul’s growth. So, let there be silence!

To Mantra or Not?

I thought that I was really making progress in my eternal quest for improvement when I came up with a new "Mantra" for school year 2009-2010. "I am and will be the essence of calmness and clarity in all situations, in mind and body." Ha, ha, ha....if I'd only known what "mantra" really means..."In short, "mantra" in English carries a negative connotation of 'mindless or thoughtless repetition of a concept,' similar to the negative connotations associated with the term "dogma."(Wikipedia) So much for my noble longings. I guess mumbling nonsense and unrealistic wisdom to myself all day has no affect upon behavioral change. Consequently, I'll have to rely on the good old standby, PRAYER. Then, at least, I will be reciting my plea to someone who will listen and will actually help me when I need help the most. What more could I ask for? Certainly no one down here is actually listening to me, I, myself, included. I should listen more, yes, I should. I'll keep trying.