February was a spiritually enlightening month for me and I feel that my heart has changed because of the experiences I had during that month. My dear sister Barbara passed on January 30th. I will miss her! We were kindred spirits in our beliefs and feelings concerning the importance of the gospel in our lives. We shared many conversations about the importance of making choices based on our spiritual commitment to Christ. My sister exemplified many Christ like traits through her service. Many lives were touched and changed, yes; she was a missionary of hope. Her courageous attitude towards her chronic illness and then cancer and final few days after a stroke was a testimony to me and those whom she loved to hold on, to have hope and to move forward in faith. I feel so blessed to have been her sister. I struggled during the days after her passing and could only visualize her in this life. I prayed for the Holy Ghost to bestow comfort to my grieving heart and to give me a picture of her in a happy state. Shortly thereafter, I saw her dressed in white skipping with arms hooked in a row of women. Her long red curls bounced on her shoulders, her face shone and her body restored to perfect health as she sang praises to God. My hope was renewed in the gospel plan, that I would see her again someday and sing with her too. My hope comforted me and I knew then that she was in a better place and I could let her go.
The week after the funeral I ran a 10k and made it all the way to the finish line without stopping. Something I haven’t done before. I was able to hold my composure until the last quarter mile when the tears brimmed in my eyes. I deep breathed as I kept going until the finish line. My hope was tested because I had to have faith that I would be able to even run that day. Afterwards my hope was strengthened because I had met the challenge with success.
The next week was the big 100th Arizona birthday celebration. I helped organize and produce a huge celebration at my ‘school’ including a music program and day long activities for the students. My hope was strengthened because of the kindness of my co-workers who knew that I was grieving. Their considerateness and kindness to me during that week boosted my spirits as we pulled all of the details together to make the program and classes a success.
And then, believe it or not, I had the opportunity to teach at my first conference. I attended the ANWA annual writer’s conference in Mesa, AZ and taught two classes on ‘Songwriting’. I shared many of my songs, discussed how to get started and at the end shared a new song written especially for Barbara, entitled, “Life is Forever”. My hope in my talents and my ability to share the spirit through them was greatly magnified.
Yes, it was hard. Yes, I’m tired. Yes, hope changed my heart.
3 comments:
What a beautiful tribute to your sister and the amazing way you processed and channeled your grief. When you taught last week at the ANWA conference, I was blown away by your poise and grace especially the beautiful song you sang to us. You are an incredible woman and it's such an honor to know you. Thank you for putting yourself out there at a time when so many would turn inwards.
Sometimes it's so difficult to share your feelings through words. They often don't do the experience or memory justice. Thanks for sharing your feelings beautifully. I'm know you miss your sister dearly. I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. The Plan of Salvation surely heals the heart and allows hope to enter in. I love being around you and learning from you. Keep writing!!
Very sweet post. You are so lucky to have the gospel and know that your sister is still near you, just on a different plane.
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